semi-work purposes. | XBOX 360 Game Review: Dead or Alive Xtreme 2
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XBOX 360 Game Review: Dead or Alive Xtreme 2

XBOX 360 Game Review: Dead or Alive Xtreme 2

Anyone who has watched me play this game (I play it a lot) seems to look at the television screen, then look at me, then look back at the television screen. They usually have very confused looks on their face, and are most likely at this point calling me lame, or a creep. I then say, “Go away! Stop judging me! You wouldn’t understand! This is the #1 selling volleyball console game!”

 

The truth is, I am fully aware that this game is incredibly lame. Yet I don’t care. I’m really not sure why I love it so much. I’m not sure if I am exactly their target demographic. In fact I’m not quite sure who their target demographic is…

Just some girlz playin’ with some balls…to the extreme!

 

Sometimes when I watch the opening title sequence (which is easily skipped), I do feel a little creepy. If you’re curious to see it (of course you are) here ’tis…sit back, press play, keep your pants on…(this is a “family game”!) 

 

Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 (DOAX2 for short) is easily described: Beach. Balls. Bikinis. Bazongas. Why am I addicted to this game? I think the volleyball excuse is starting to wear thin. I really think I need help. In the meantime I’m going with “research purposes”. This ‘research’ has led me to conclude that designing their characters to scale wasn’t exactly the mission statement of DOAX2 game developers Team Ninja. Sometimes you can’t tell if you’re aiming to hit the volleyball or your partners boob, as they are exactly the same size. The physics of the game aren’t aiming for realism either (I remember playing volleyball in high school and not once was I hit in the face by my own boob). As a matter of fact, according to Douglass C. Perry, one of the boyz at IGN who flew to Tecmo HQ in Kona, Hawaii to test the game (necessary?….lucky bastard)…

 

“[DOAX2] has a breast physics system that’s so far from nature it’s laughable…the women fighters of [Dead or Alive 2] now have independent breast physics which create an asynchronous movement while giving a water balloon sensation to each mammary gland. We s*&# you not. Usually, boobs move in tandem. Not these melons. They’re all over the place, bouncing like a juggler throwing water balloons.”

 

The nitpickable boob physics are tolerable because they’re bouncing all over the idyllic backdrop of ‘New Zack Island’. This tropical paradise is owned and operated by Zack, a DJ/Muay Thai boxer (presumably from Perth, Western Australia) who first appeared in the original combat version of the Dead or Alive franchise. According to his official DOA Bio, “Zack only enters the Dead or Alive Tournaments for money and fame.” He also enjoys purchasing unspoilt nature, naming it after himself, then filling it with casinos, sporting stores, and bodacious babes. 

 

Before you crack open the atlas, I must sadly inform you that New Zack Island is a fictional location. That said, NZ Island does have an interesting ‘history’ according to the official DOA Wiki:

 

After winning the jackpot together in Las Vegas, Zack and his girlfriend Niki used their earnings to buy a small, private island, only accessible via aquatic planes and boat. After he inspected the island, Zack began establishing and constructing a beach resort, complete with a hotel and stores.

 

OK, so feelings of shame are intensifying as is the urge to justify the alarming amount I love this game… I guess ultimately the reason why I love this game is that it makes me feel like I’m on holiday. On New Zack Island. What other video game lets you frolic on the beach?

 

 

(I wonder if “Beach Frolics” are recorded in the DOAX 2 Achievements List. I won’t check.)

 

 

Or go jet skiing?

Couchskiing (kau̇ch·ski·ing) v. – tooling around on a jet ski from the comfort of your couch.

 

 

Or go shopping for bathers?

Zack Island’s Sports Shop – fine purveyors of lace jingers* and other quality sporting goods

 

 
Or eat an ice cream suggestively?

Soft Serve for 2 – a New Zack Island specialty

 

See? Dead or Alive Xtreme 2 IS awesome! Stop judging me! You wouldn’t understand!

 

3.5/5

 

Review Update:

 

Since the release of DOAX 3 (Dead or Alive Xtreme 3), the 2015 follow up to this intriguing release, it has become very clear that Team Ninja is now very aware of this game franchise’s core demographic, and why they enjoy the game.

My face looks EXACTLY the same while I’m rock climbing…

 

 

Enjoy the Playstation VR version, gents.

Kasumi dropped her contact lens… Don’t just sit there…help the poor woman!

 

*  “Jinger” is Australian slang for G-string.

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